I can attest to many times of being embarrassed by my little one. As adoring, amazing and enlightening this journey has been, there’s a flip side that’s quite embarrassing. From grabbing my breasts in public to announcing needing to do a #2 in a restaurant- my little one has been the cause of a few embarrassing moments over the years that I just have to share.
1. I can recollect several times my little one publicly molested me by prying my blouse open desperately searching for my breast because she was feeling parched. This happened anywhere, mostly in checkout lines.
2. Passing gas in a public elevator – and not a silent one but one that sounded like a blow horn that lasted for about five seconds. This was around the time she couldn’t speak yet and it sounded very much like an adult fart. All I could say was ‘Oh my! Excuse her!’ Yeah, but no one believed that it was her.
3. The time when she asked for us to hurry home to so she can ‘poop’ as we’re enjoying a nice dinner at our favorite spot. It happened as the waiter came by the table to check on us. He pretended he didn’t hear her – but he definitely did.
4. The time when I was in the longest line ever at a popular ice scream parlor down the road. I was holding her because she decided to wear her roller skates and I was afraid she’d fall. “Eww mommy! You’re breath is stinky!’ she announced as she fanned her face with her little hands. The sad thing is, I knew that was going to happen because I chose to eat Doritos before we left the house. All I could was hang my head in shame.
5. How about the time when we had company over that was waiting for me downstairs? As I came out of the bathroom, there she is with her toys in tow right by the door. I forgot my towel in my bedroom after I had showered, so I’m completely naked at this point. “Mommy! You have a lot of hair!!!’ pointing to my groin area. I have no doubt my company heard her from downstairs – after all my walls are paper thin! Between working 70 hour work weeks and barely having time to eat, who has time for a wax? I pretended I didn’t hear her but I know my company did!
Sumiko Melody 